I had this realization the other day, while having sex with my husband, that if I go for too long without having sex my whole life starts to feel gray. Everything suffers, even my writing. (I’ve had kind of a dry spell. Sorry!) It starts feels like I’m only half alive. My body begins to feel achy and I get really grumpy. I start to be more grumpy with my kids especially. I realized midway through our love-making, that this wasn’t just a frivolous sexual act but something that makes my whole life sparkle.
With the first orgasm, I could feel my body start to come alive, to light up. By the third orgasm I went to the stars. The phrase: “Fuck my brains out,” came to mind. Everything I’d been worrying about melted away and was replaced by waves of pleasure coursing through my entire body. I felt connected to everything, like I was fucking the whole world (in a good way!).
This is an important realization for me as a mother right now, because I’m at that tenuous 10-month-postpartum point, where life can feel like a real drag. I’m in deep and there’s not much to do, but wait it out until life gets fun again. We’re so close to sleeping through the night, making it to the 1-nap-a-day mark and being able to go out and do fun stuff without scrambling to make it back for a nap every few hours. Our baby is about to walk, so we won’t have to carry him everywhere! He almost feels like his own little person, rather than an extension of me.
Life feels so busy and full that I forget about sex completely. I forget about orgasms, sexuality, and pleasure. To be totally honest I forget my own body half the time. I often feel like a walking butt-wiper, baby-soother, workaholic, sleep-deprived robot. So anyway, the other day I remembered that sex, really good love-making with this man who I’m still head-over-heels in love with and devoted to, is my medicine. Orgasms can be healing, life renewing, mind blowing, rejuvenating medicine. I’m in! I’m a sex goddess. I’m back! I’m a MILF. (Side note: you don’t have to have a partner to have life changing orgasms- Go Love Yourself!)
There’s something powerful about tapping into this healthy sexuality, this ability to completely relax my body and my mind and give in to this small leap into the unknown. Like a tiny death, fireworks bursting throughout my body, burning up old patterns and making space for something new to grow. I don’t teach about sexuality specifically but my sense is that I have an easy time accessing pleasure partly because of my Sensory Awareness work and meditation practice. When we can notice our breathing and let go of imagining how we look, we can allow ourselves to feel deeply the sensations of the body in real time. We can bring our attention to the small feelings of pleasure and let them grow; Like butter melting and filling up the whole body.
Sex wasn’t a safe conversation in my home growing up. It wasn’t something we ever talked about. The body was not a playground, but a serious thing to calm and contain. But I am a creature of passion, of pleasure. I believe that my sexual energy, my ability to have limitless pleasure, is a profound gift. A gift to be harnessed. There is power in pleasure, in tuning in to the gift of pleasure all around us and inside. I believe that this life was meant to be enjoyed. I want to suck the marrow out of life and die with a great big orgasmic smile on my face, knowing that I lived fully and radiantly alive. I want to die knowing that I lived my fullest life and inspired others to do the same.
*Afterthought: I just realized that my wedding anniversary is tomorrow. Happy anniversary Beast Man Sex Machine! May we have a lifetime of love, adventures, and mind blowing sex. We’ve still got it.
Join the conversation! Tell me about how pleasure plays a role in your life or how it has been forgotten. It’s all welcome, chime in.
If you’d like to study meditation and Sensory Awareness with me check out: Mom Village, Meditation For Birth, or Mindful Coaching! (Possible Side Affect: Limitless Sexual Ecstasy! ;) Wild Women’s Wellness Circle will be coming back soon…