Pregnant Pleasure
An exploration of sexuality during pregnancy
I’m 5 months pregnant and I’m not a virgin. There I said it! And you know what else? I still have sex regularly with my husband. Whew, feels good to get that off my chest. The other day I went out for pizza with a friend, we’ll call him Bob, and he asked me about my lover (husband) and my sex life. Bob and I have known each other since we were kids and we’ve watched each other grow up. We’ve been talking about sex for a long time but it felt weirdly refreshing as a pregnant lady to be asked about my sex life and I realized that I feel this stigma around pregnancy, that with my growing belly there is an assumption that I’m no longer sexual. It’s strange to experience de-sexualization as a mother, especially since most babies are a direct result of sex.
I told Bob that my sex life is weird and surprising right now because each time I have sex my body is completely different and new to me. It’s almost like being a virgin again only this time I’m self aware, confident, and married. I get to practice speaking up for what I want, following the most interesting new sensations, and having orgasms that feel fresh and unfamiliar.
There can be a lot of pleasure in pregnancy and every pregnancy is different. My first time around I was very horny the second trimester and was surprised because I’d never heard about this or read about it anywhere. It was awesome. I felt creative, powerful, and juicy. I’ve been a little disappointed this time as I mostly feel really tired, partly because of our toddler to chase around.
The other night my husband lit candles all around our room and rubbed my entire body with oil, including my round belly. It was delicious! Then we made sweet love and while I was on top I started thinking about... *gasp*... anal sex. For some reason this has been really turning me on lately even though I’m not the biggest fan of butt play, just thinking about it gets me going. Then I thought, “I’m 5 months pregnant, having sex and thinking about butt sex. Is this allowed?” I had to laugh at myself, of course it’s allowed! I’m married, pregnant, and free to have sex and kinky thoughts! It’s normal and natural and keeps things fun and fresh in our relationship. It also keeps my tissues, especially my pelvic floor, relaxed, strong, and full of healthy blood flow.
Sex, making love, fucking, masturbating, touching, and kissing all help the body release oxytocin- the love drug. Oxytocin is crucial for pregnant people especially during labor to create good strong contractions and for breastfeeding to produce lots of milk and to fall madly in love with a new baby, who will inevitably drive you crazy sometimes, so you must love them in order to not throw them out the window in the middle of the night. It also helps you stay in love with your partner if there is one. Partnered or not, healthy orgasms release the tissues around the pelvis that may be getting really sore as the baby grows and help to keep you juicy and in love with yourself too. So don’t feel ashamed, keep making love, fucking, having sex, and/or masturbating while pregnant as long as it feels good! Go for it.
Tips and tricks for great sex, especially during pregnancy:
1) Awareness: know your own sensations and what feels good so you can follow your needs and/or tell a partner. To gain awareness, especially with a changing body, masturbation is number one! Self touch is key, explore yourself all over. Check out the book: For Yourself by Lonnie Barbach
2) Communication: Once you know what you need communicate with your partner before, during, and after sex. Practice asking for what you want and speaking up if something doesn’t feel good. We don’t need to be mind readers to have good sex, we need to talk to each other and be clear. Sense of humor helps too :)
3) Positions: As the belly grows positions become really important so there is not too much weight or pressure on the belly or pelvis. You might try side lying, from behind also known as “doggy style,” and especially being on top. If you are lying on your back pillows to lift the pelvis up may help with comfort. Get creative and follow what feels good.
*If there is a history of miscarriage or a medical reason not to have sex, ask your midwife or doctor. Only do what feels good and no pressure to have sex while pregnant if you don’t want to!*
Check out upcoming classes and offerings:
Wild Women’s Circle: Starting Nov 9, a meditation and Sensory Awareness group for women to practice finding power, freedom, and deep relaxation in body and mind.
Meditation for Birth: practicing meditation and Sensory Awareness as tools to prepare for the grand adventure of birth and parenting. For birthing people, partners or anyone on the support team.