Vagina Full of Rainbows

A How-To Guide

I promised to write this piece after referring to one of my orgasms that felt like my vagina was full of rainbows and the feedback I got from many of you was: “Wow, I’m so impressed by how orgasmic you are!” Thank you for this feedback. I take for granted sometimes how easily I access pleasure. It wasn’t always this way.

Of course, right after I promised to write this, I’ve had a harder time finding these rainbow orgasms because my kids are on break and life with 2 little boys at home is stressful! I’m juggling, often overwhelmed, ready for school to start again, and more full of exhaustion than rainbows at this point. With that said, I’m a big believer in finding pleasure and deep relaxation, especially when life feels overwhelming and exhausting. This is when we need it the most and it’s also when it’s the hardest to access.

It’s taken me a few months to write this partly because I’ve been stressed and busy but also because, as it turns out, it’s not so simple. I’m realizing I probably need to write at least 2 “how-to guides” because one should be specifically about loving yourself and self exploration, self pleasure. I’ve been studying sexuality, anatomy, kinesiology, bodywork, women’s health, and mindfulness practices for nearly 20 years, so this is a compilation of what I’ve discovered that creates the conditions to make “rainbow orgasms” possible.

To be clear, even though I’m calling this “Vagina Full of Rainbows,” I don’t believe you need to have a vagina to experience this type of pleasure and I don’t think imagining rainbows specifically is important. I’m beginning to think of this type of orgasmic experience as being a transcendent connection to pleasure, nature, and wildness through the body. It’s the type of orgasm that allows the ego to die a little. Last weekend during a big storm, while making love with my husband, my orgasms felt like lightning bursting through my body while the rain poured down. During orgasms I’ve been transformed into a wild wolf, felt waterfalls surging through me, or fireworks exploding.

The secret to a vagina full of rainbows: know yourself and give yourself lots of pleasure first! Explore every part of yourself throughout the month, notice all the changes in your vagina as your cycle changes. It’s a beautiful thing. Touch yourself, taste yourself, smell yourself! Yes your vaginal fluids, check them out. This is the place to start. Then begin to share this with a partner if you like, but start with your own pleasure first.

Study female sexuality and anatomy. Read books like: Vagina, Cunt and Pussy! (I’ll add a book list and practice links below.) Perhaps we should rename our vaginas because vagina is a shitty name, created by a man, meaning “sheath for a sword.” Yuck! Name your vagina something beautiful, fun and powerful like Pussy, Cunt or Yoni. Also the word vagina only includes the one internal hole and not all the other amazing parts like the clitoris and labia.

So far I’ve taught my little boys the words vagina and vulva because I don’t want them to get in trouble at school running around yelling, “Pussy!” They do run up and down our hallway yelling, “Vagina!” with so much joy and glee. They also say things like, “Vaginas are really cool.” I love this so much and when they’re older I may introduce these better words for female genitalia, but for now they know the text book terms.

In this piece I will use all these different words to embrace the entirety of these female parts, not just this one hole. It’s really about integrating the whole pelvic bowl. For those of you who do not have your very own pussy, don’t despair! Penis’ are amazing too and can definitely be full of rainbows, I just don’t know as much about them because I haven’t lived with one on my body, although I have grown 2 of them inside me. Yeah! That’s pretty badass. I’ve grown 2 penis’ and 2 pairs of testicles. Women’s bodies are magic.

Back to the topic at hand: how do you have an orgasm that feels like a vagina full of rainbows? It comes down to these 3 things:

1)Know yourself and love your whole self

2)Full body and mind relaxation and a sense of safety

3)Learn to drop in to how you feel rather than how you look

Let’s jump into these rainbow vaginas!

1: Know yourself and love your whole self. In terms of female orgasm, this means to really get into your pussy, the whole thing, the entire month. Study yourself, taste, touch, smell yourself! If you thought, “Eww gross!” This is a problem because we’ve been indoctrinated into thinking that vaginas are somehow dirty, smelly, and gross but they’re not! Go ahead, fall in love with your pussy. Get a mirror and check it out with admiration, the colors, the fluids, the shapes. It’s amazing and this is where life comes from! How could that be gross?

Massage the walls of your vagina every day standing in the shower, lying down in the bath or in your bed. Gently sweep from left to right to help your pelvic floor relax, avoid pressure on the front and back so as not to irritate the urethra or rectum (the book Wild Feminine has a lot more info on this). Check out your clitoris, labia, vaginal opening, cervix, g-spot, perineum, your amazing butt hole. Learn to relax your butt! Yes the butt is important too and most of us are clenching around our pelvic floors much of the time, especially around our butts and we don’t even know it.

Are you a tight ass? You are not alone. Gently massage around and inside your butt hole with lube or oil and help this area relax. You can use toys too- get a butt plug, wand or dildo and explore relaxing this area and discovering pleasure and connection throughout your pelvis. Learning to relax around the butt is also critically important for preparing for birth and postpartum. Clenching around our pussies and butts sends signals to our brains that we are not safe, that we need to be ready to run from a lion and this can cause anxiety and depression and will not allow us to surrender into orgasm or birth. (A lot more info on this pelvic-brain connection in the book Vagina.)

So you see, it’s not just a pussy. The pelvic floor sends signals to the brain letting us know if we are safe or not, if we are on the right path, or if we are stressed and constricted and need to make a change. We need to learn to listen to our cunts. Then we will rule the world! I don’t mean a revolutionary violent take-over, I mean re-seating ourselves at the head of the table as the intuitive wise ones, guided by our cycles that connect us to the moon and the earth, back in our rightful places as the wise leaders. Ha! You didn’t think we’d go there did you?

There are cultures that ask menstruating women for advice about how to move society forward because it’s believed that we open a portal when we bleed. Our bodies naturally connect to the earth and if we learn to listen to them we can heal the world and guide men back to the earth too. We all need to come back to our cycles, to our connection with nature and each other. It all starts with opening the portals of our amazing pelvic bowls and finding our power.

2: Full body and mind relaxation and a sense of safety (this could also be called: a healthy nervous system). This is the one I’m currently struggling with, as a mom with 2 little kids at home. Can’t school start already?! This is where mindfulness practices come in, like: meditation, sensory awareness, yoga nidra, Feldenkrais work, or time in nature. Anything that slows you down and helps you notice the intricacies of your mind and body. We can notice when our minds are racing a million miles an hour, tracking camps, appointments, groceries, clients, the house, adventures... Once we’ve noticed, from that place we can choose a practice, take a tool out of our toolbox and go from there. Sometimes in order to slow down the mind and relax the body we need to run or punch or scream. It’s not all gentle hearts and unicorns in the nervous system, we need to play out both sides.

A lot of our modern stress, for women and moms especially, is this pressure to always be calm and nice, but a healthy body and nervous system needs to contract and relax, to fully complete the stress cycle. For muscles this looks like being fully worked and then relaxing completely. For the nervous system this looks like screaming, punching, kicking, and yes fucking our brains out too, so that on the other side of this intensity there is surrender. There is letting go. When we pretend to always be calm and positive, we ignore the healthy rage stewing beneath the surface that can be used as energy to get shit done, to guide us towards manifesting our dreams and claiming our power. We need to notice the stress in order to tend to it.

A healthy relaxed pussy needs to feel safe. When our cunts are in a state of perpetual contraction because of stress, we do not feel safe. Our pelvic floors need to be able to fully relax and contract (think healthy juicy circulation and flow). One aspect of this is setting the scene for pleasure (alone or together), creating a tidy space, maybe lighting incense or candles, gentle lighting, no distractions, perhaps some mood music or wave sounds. All these things can help us feel safe so our pussies can relax and create all the healthy juices we need for pleasure.

Setting the scene helps us drop into a sense of timelessness in our bodies and minds. We can’t be rushed (although a fun quickie is good every now and then, it may not create rainbows). We need to be able to give up control, to surrender to the power within us and follow this to an unknown place. If this is with a partner, we need to trust them, feel safe and comfortable letting go with them, but start with yourself first.

3: Learn to drop in to how you feel rather than how you look. This is a big one because in the west, we live in a culture that values how we look more than how we feel. Many of us have been taught to disregard this internal compass. With pleasure, we can close our eyes and begin to feel this small whisper of yummy sensations, like cold hard butter that begins to soften and melt, spreading through the body, perhaps starting at the clitoris or g-spot and then radiating through the butt and growing up the spine until it completely fills us up and then spills out like liquid light illuminating the world around us.

Starting with yourself can be easier than with a partner because you can practice fully letting go while there’s no one there to see you. Experiment with your hands or with toys. Give yourself a breast and belly massage with oil, explore your whole pelvic bowl, the bones, tissues, and fluids. Take your time. Go inward and begin to allow yourself to listen to your body, your breathing. Make sounds, move in whatever way feels good. It’s just for you! Own your pleasure. In order to let go into full surrender ego-death type orgasms we can’t be worried about how we look because this will take us outside our bodies and into our minds. We have to go from the inside out and feel our sensations. This too is crucial for preparing for birth and postpartum; Relaxing the whole body, listening from the inside out, and following the messages of the body. (Maybe I should teach orgasm classes to prepare for birth!)

I remember going to Mexico for mom’s Sensory Awareness workshop for the first time when I was 19 and then writing a short piece called: Sex-ory Awareness (I’ll share this another time.) It seemed so obvious that this type of work could be helpful for guiding people into having healthy satisfying relationships with their sexuality. It’s about experiencing the pleasure of being embodied and integrating this into our daily lives. When we’re eating we have the opportunity to be fully with our food. Feel our luscious lips connect to the soft cold strawberry, smell the sweet aroma, feel the teeth break into the smooth skin and taste the sweet nectar filling our mouths as our bellies grumble waiting for the satisfying nourishment. It’s about awakening to our sensuality during all the mundane tasks of regular life.

That’s how it starts. The sensuality of washing dishes. We can feel the warm water, the slick soap, the hard crusty food, and the cool ceramic. Then when we are touching our pussies we feel every detail; the delicious warm soft skin, the slippery juices, the earthy smell, and tangy taste until we can’t take it anymore and explode into rainbow pleasure because it’s just so beautiful to be alive and to be the proud owner of a miraculous powerful cunt that is capable of birthing, fucking, and bleeding.

Hell Yeah!

That’s all the time I have for now. Go love yourself!

Love,

Carol

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Practices

Meditation and Sensory Awareness For the Pelvis by Carol Lesser (This is a recording from one of my classes)

Feldenkrais practice for freeing the hips by Jodie Krantz

Yoga Nidra by Ally Bothyard (I try to do one of these every day to tend to my nervous system)

Book List

For Yourself by Lonnie Barbach

Vagina by Naomi Wolf

Wild Feminine by Tami Kent (this one has lots of info on vagina massage!)

Cunt by Inga Musico

Pleasure Zone by Stella Resnick

Pussy by Regina Thomashauer