Zombie Mom
Some Truth About Life at 3-Months Postpartum
Our youngest son is 7-months-old now and I feel like I’ve made it through some of the hardest parts of the postpartum journey although I’m still bone tired a lot of the time. I wrote this piece when our baby was 3-months old and as I’m severly sleep deprived again, I’m sharing some old writing. I hope it makes you laugh and gives you hope!
Some Truth About My Life at 3-Months Postpartum:
I feel like I’m on the frontlines of motherhood. I’m trying to walk amongst the ordinary people but I don’t feel ordinary. I feel like a zombie, who’s trying to be nice but can’t always be nice. I’m so fucking tired. Bone tired. Soulfully tired. Complete radical earth-mama heavy exhaustion, after creating the cosmos. Like I haven’t slept in a year (and that’s not a total exaggeration). We have 2 boys, a 4-year-old and a 3-month-old and they’re kicking my ass. I’m momming hard right now.
I started this writing project both as a way to give motherhood another voice of reason, an honest portrayal, and also to try to keep a toe-hold in the outside world as I knew I was about to enter the secret mysterious slow-moving world of postpartum. In some ways it has been really helpful to keep this voice going and in other ways it feels like one more thing to do in a world blurred by sleep deprivation; Another load of laundry or a sink full of dishes; Another boob feeding or butt wiping. So much butt wiping.
I will say, thinking about this postpartum journey as a funny story to tell has been really helpful. Just a funny passage of my life that will change soon enough. There are moments though, where it doesn’t feel like that. It feels like it will go on for all of eternity. That I will never sleep again and be kicked in the crotch by a tiny baby every night for the rest of my life. I will be forever covered in spit-up.
That feels good to remember that this deep dark postpartum land is after all, just a blip in the journey of motherhood. It’s not my favorite blip though. Sometimes I wish I could blink and Huey would be 3 years old and I could skip all this butt wiping, sleep madness, and tantrums to come. Oh the tantrums we’ve been through with our now 4-year-old, who is often (finally!) a reasonable little person. Amazing! And here we go again. Another round.
I wanted to take some time to write about what postpartum life is like for me right now. I’ve been working on writing Bodie’s Birth story and it’s taking me weeks to get it out. There’s still some stickiness to this birth story for me, even 4 years later. It feels stuck in my body somehow. In the mean time, here’s a little postpartum check-in for you. Still slogging along. In love with this amazing new tiny human and exhausted and disillusioned by motherhood right now. I know it will get better. I have to keep reminding myself.
I can do this and so can you!
Please share a comment about how your postpartum journey is going or went. Share any questions you have or stories. What made your postpartum journey better? What made it worse? Thank you for being part of the Sexy As A Mother community! I’m glad you’re here.